Thursday night is chili night

Since the week after Cookie and mine's honeymoon Thursday has always been chili for supper night.
But no, not tonight. Darlene and Betty Anne found a recipe on the back of a can of cream of potato soup, as if geez, I don't eat enough potatoes as it is, and they made some kind of cream of potato surprise.
Why did they have to pick chili for supper night to finally get off their butts and do something?

I'll probably be slipping out after Wheel of Fortune starts and go get me a couple of Jay and Jay Chicken Burgers. I think I'll take Felix along, the little nob could probably use a couple Chicken Burgers too.

Lexter and Becky

My son Lexter is in a panic. They gave Becky the baby test at the hospital today and the doctor said there are three of them in there.
Maybe next time he'll wear a raincoat, what a nob!!!
I need a beer.

Felix

I caught Felix in the bathroom today with one of his mother's lipsticks in his hand and a wistful look in his eye.
That's it!!!
Weak ankles or not, I'm signing that kid up for the summer hockey program.

My two normal daughters

I swear, I don't know what Darlene and Betty Anne do with their time.
Whenever I walk in the kitchen they clam up.
I tried to get Cookie to have a talk with them, but she tells me that they are happy, and at least they don't act all squirrelly, like you know who, and that we should be thankful for that.

Haircut

I had to get a haircut today, but it was Junior's day off so I had to get it cut by his assistant Naomi.
Sweet Sister of the Holy Virgin Mary, it just isn't right for a woman under 30 to give a man over 50 a haircut, unless she is an immediate family member, if you get my drift.
It's better that Cookie doesn't find out about this, she just wouldn't understand.

The letter

I walked in today and my wife Cookie was sitting at the kitchen table reading a letter and crying.
For the love of Pete, I thought someone had died.
But no, it was a letter to Agnes Marie, that Cookie had found while looking for the hot water bottle in Agnes Marie's room, from some guy in Italy, who wanted to get to know Agnes Marie.
Italy!
Get to know!
Jesus Christ on a hot plate!
I need a beer.

Moonie

I see my youngest daughter Agnes Marie found this site.
Her real name is Agnes Marie, but we call her Moonie because when she was a baby whenever her brother Lexter tried to say Agnes Marie it sounded like he was saying Moonie!

Maybe I should call her Moody, because she tries to bite my head off whenever I talk to her.

Cookie

My wife Cookie wants to take a class on how to speak Italian from the community center. Good gravy Marie, we beat them in the last war, so shouldn't the Italians be taking classes on how to speak Canadian from their community center?

Father's Day

My youngest son Felix made me a beer cozy for Father's Day. There has to be something wrong with that. Shouldn't he be out playing shinny or something?

My other daughter

Geez Oh Pete, I think I'm going to have to take Agnes Marie to see the brain doctor. She says she isn't happy, for the love of Jesus, who is?
I think that teacher of hers from the States is behind all of this, him with his sideburns and bell bottomed trousers. God only knows what kind of ideas he's putting in Anges Marie's head.

A meal fit for a king

My wife Cookie and my two oldest girls, Darlene and Betty Anne, are going shopping in Halifax for the weekend. Looks like I'll be living on Jay and Jay Chicken Burgers for a few days, which ain't all bad.

Break out the crap scoopers

The Leafs Alumni Association is coming to town for a Donkey Basketball game next Friday night. I wonder if that son of a bitch Sittler will show up this time.

Lexter the nob

My son Lexter is such a nob. I gave him money to go to the beer store to pick up a twelve pack of Molson's and he came back with two six packs instead.

#1

The damn kids these days.
They go to Toronto and they come back and they're not normal.